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Friday, October 10

I had the worst dream last night. Just remembered and I don't want to put it up on lj. It's not that kind of dream. It was so real. Usually if I have a job in a dream it's an older job or a job that is really at my old elementary school, or a job I've never had. Not my actual job. Which I had in this dream. And the dream took place last night. It was Thursday night and I knew I wouldn't have to go to work the next day, which is true.

I couldn't sleep. So I wandered over to work, which was in the same mall. The store layout was the same, my ALARM CODE was the same, the only difference was that we sold books. That was the reason I went to work, because I wanted to read. So I started reading, and the phone rang. I thought it was going to be the alarm company calling to ask why I'd turned off the alarm at 4am. But it was my mom. And like you do when you get called in the middle of the night, I panicked. I realized I'd turned my cell phone off before >play last night and that I hadn't turned it back on.

My mom called me at work in the middle of the night and said: "J'ai de très mauvaises nouvelles."

And I knew that if she said what she was about to say in the dream I would probably go fucking insane, so I made myself wake up. Not that it made it any easier, because I knew what she was about to say. That my dad's cancer had come back, was generalized, and that he didn't have long to live.

That's how my aunt died. They thought she was fine for two years after they removed her cancer, then all of a sudden she got sick again, and within two weeks she died.

And my friends and I were talking about my prof"s dog recently. My parents' dog died this summer after having a tumour removed. His dog now has many, many tumours that he's having removed, and we were talking about how "they" say that once you find a tumour on your dog you should have it put to sleep, because they always die and it's always painful for them.

And my new assignment is an autumnal poem, and in the tradition of autumn poems I have to think about getting older and dying. I thought I might write about my parents getting older, kind of force myself to confront that, and see what happened, force myself to grow or learn or something. Now I'm not sure what I should do. Is this a sign that I really should confront the idea of my dad dying (my mom I confronted long ago, which is why our relationship is so strange), or is it a sign that I should abandon the pursuit and write about fucking Jack-o-lanterns?
Posted by Katherine at 12:29 PM


Saturday, September 6

Oh, my god. Read this.

Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too by Jim Hall

All my pwoblems
who knows, maybe evwybody's pwoblems
is due to da fact, due to da awful twuth

I know, I know. All da dumb jokes:
No flies on you, ha ha,
and da ones about what do I do wit all
doze extwa legs in bed. Well, dat's funny yeah.
But you twy being
SPIDERMAN for a month or two. Go ahead.

You get doze cwazy calls fwom da
Gubbener askin you to twap some booglar who's
only twying to wip off color TV sets.
Now, what do I cawre about TV sets?
But I pull on da suit, da stinkin suit,
wit da sucker cups on da fingers,
and get my wopes and wittle bundle of
equipment and den I go flying like cwazy
acwoss da town fwom woof top to woof top.

Till der he is. Some poor dumb color TV slob
and I fall on him and we westle a widdle
until I get him all woped. So big deal.

You tink when you SPIDERMAN
der's sometin big going to happen to you.
Well, I tell you what. It don't happen dat way.
Nuttin happens. Gubbener calls, I go.
Bwing him to powice, Gubbener calls again,
like dat over and over.

I tink I twy sometin diffunt. I tink I twy
sometin excitin like wacing cawrs. Sometin to make
my heart beat at a difwent wate.
But den you just can't quit being sometin like
You SPIDERMAN for life. Fowever. I can't even
buin my suit. It won't buin. It's fwame wesistent.
So maybe dat's youwr pwoblem too, who knows.
Maybe dat's da whole pwoblem wif evwytin.
Nobody can buin der suits, dey all fwame wesistent.
Who knows?


I'm at a loss as to why it's written with a speech impediment, but how hilarious is it? I mean, come on! It's terrific.
Posted by Katherine at 7:28 PM


Friday, August 29

Oh yay. Gay porn on my hard drive. And it's not even lesbian porn. Sometimes I'd just like to live in my own consciousness and not be horribly interrupted by footage of some guy gargling some other guy's jizz while I'm trying to play my FRUiT CD. I *especially* do not want to link the two in my mind!

*rocks back and forth*
*thinks thoughts of Mel*
Posted by Katherine at 10:26 PM


Wednesday, August 27

The guy upstairs is cooking curry. I think. It smells wonderful. I had to stop playing guitar because I was standing right under his kitchen and couldn't concentrate. Ack.

Mailed everything off today with great success and accuracy. I've even been responsible enough to start my submission table, something which I've been putting off. It's been a decent day. I even stopped at Baskin Robbins and bought sugar-free ice cream, and ate it while reading my favourite magazine, the Robb Report, which I hadn't been able to find in over a year. Oh crap. I think my roommate might be coming home. *really doesn't want to see roomie*

Wait. Nevermind. "Turning To Blue" just started playing, so really Richard Simmons could walk in here and I wouldn't much care.

I keep wanting to go back to sleep, but I know I shouldn't, because I have to go to sleep around midnight tonight and stay asleep until seven or so. If I sleep now, this will not happen.
Posted by Katherine at 6:53 PM


OK, now tripod is fucking with me more. Oh, well. So, today I get to walk down to Postables (a decent walk... I hope it's not too muggy out there) and mail this fucking thing whose deadline is Friday. I'm trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of expecting never to hear about this submission again. If you could follow that. Basically right now I'm just assuming nothing will come of it, but I don't want to do that, I want to assume nothing.

Which I actually don't really have to work that hard to do: As soon as it's in the mail I will forget about it completely and therefore be surprised if it comes to anything.
Posted by Katherine at 10:56 AM


Tuesday, August 26

Huh. Ok. So Tripod is fucking with me (what else is new?). Why do I have ads on my page and not pop-ups? And, why is it that Tripod apparently hasn't noticed that this has randomly changed? I went to try to set my settings back to pop-ups, and they were already set the right way, which means this is a malfunction of a most dreadful kind.
Posted by Katherine at 8:23 PM


Wednesday, August 20

NEW ICONS! Including some Mel Watson icons! More of Fruit to follow, I just had to get the Mel ones out of the way first, because a) in love, and b) Fiona asked me for one. I gave her some options, but might be making more. See reason a.

It's strange to be here sitting at a computer. I don't want to be home. And I'm not, not for long anyway. Leaving tomorrow morning at nine. I'm going to be spending 5 hours on the bus, and they're going to be constructive hours, goddammit.

I suck.

And why is it that the day I finally break through and am able to start writing a song instead of just clunking through randomness with nothing and no memory of what it's supposed to sound like once I finish playing with the nothing, is the day that one of the most talented musicians in the world reminds me that I look just like Suzie Vinnick, and that she's just so much better at everything than I am?


Existential crisis.

Deadline is now in 9 days.

*bangs head into monitor*

Ooh, clean monitor.

I called the store on Sunday afternoon because of a scheduling problem, and Brian told Shaun that I was drunk. Drunk! Me! That made me sad. Brian has never seen me happy. How many people think they know me, when all they really know is the fake, switched-off person I am while I'm trying to get through the horrible day-to-day?

When I was on the phone with Brian, Tannis Slimmon was nearby singing Will the Circle Be Unbroken in a workshop, and I started singing harmony into the phone. It's sad about Canadian folk festivals, that that song is sung much less frequently. I was so glad to hear it. We get tons of Goodnight Irene and The Mary Ellen Carter (*gag*), though.

And why, oh why, do the gospel workshops have to involve so many originals? I mean, I can understand if, for instance, EFO sings Great Day. They usually intro it in gospel wake-up call context by saying it's an original, do they not? And you could definitely fool people into thinking that it is. But... must artist after artist sing songs that have barely any bearing on the topic, much less the genre? Songs about dead people are not automatically gospel! THIS IS FOLK MUSIC! 40-50% of songs are about dead people!

About the gospel wake-up call on Sunday morning, though, it was actually amazing despite the boring songs, and we, as a crowd, rocked. Mark Reeves came out on stage to play along on harmonica maybe halfway through the workshop. He wasn't listed as one of the performers, but when they'd almost hit their time limit a bunch of us started yelling for him, because... Mark. We love the Reverend Reeves. If only he wasn't playing Hugh's Room this Friday, we'd love him more.

Oooh! Hey, people who are staying in Toronto! Go see Mark Reeves for me! His merch includes one-strap backpacks FOR CHRISSAKES!
Posted by Katherine at 9:29 PM


Monday, August 11

Gah. I keep losing stuff. First my red folder. Now I can't find my copy of Don McKay's "Another Gravity". It's especially annoying because I know I was reading it very recently, as recently as last week.

Gah. I hate my brain. No. That's too kind. I meant to say I hate myself.
*stabs self in head with sharp object*

Ah. Much better.
Posted by Katherine at 2:21 AM


Saturday, August 9

So Fiona is missing in action... Cadence is playing the Taste of the Danforth in an hour and she a) didn't call to tell me the schedule so we could plan like she said she would, and b) hasn't returned either of my phone calls about getting organized for TotD.

I *know* she'll be down at Broadview and Danforth in an hour, but...

do I really want to go considering she doesn't seem to want to see me at all?
Posted by Katherine at 7:04 PM


Thursday, August 7

Oh, my sweet, sweet Lord. (link, AJ, link)

What's that game where you search word combinations on Google trying to get the right combo that'll give you just one site? It actually has an official website and everything. Anyway... I've just found my combo :D
Posted by Katherine at 5:45 PM


© Katherine Maheux, 2003.