I should be a lot more upset than I am. It's work, of course. And other things. It's bad because I'm just upset *enough*. Like Goldilocks, I have found the perfect balance that allows me to remain both bitter and
easily manipulated. Well, maybe not Goldilocks.
Dustin is being promoted in an "emergency", as we are short on staff. Simultaneously I understand why I'm being looked over, yet am still unclear as to how exactly "the world" works, apparently, because there is a nagging feeling inside me somewhere that tells me that something
unfair is going on.
First my boss tries to squeeze me out without telling me why, when she knows that I'm the only person in the entire store who works to feed herself and not for extra pocket money. Then when I finally confront her and ask her why, she tells me I'm an unsatisfactory worker, something which I've NEVER been called before and something that I believe less and less is true. When she first said it to me, my self esteem shot out the window and I was sure I was a Bad Person and needed to change in order to be Redeemed.
But the more I live with it, the more I realize that I wasn't in the wrong. I was doing the same stuff I was doing when my boss thought that I was great. I don't know what's going on, but it seems like I've fallen out of the good books into some other book, when there really shouldn't be any books at all.
Tonight she was training Dustin to do things I should have been doing nine months ago. But as I watched them, I realized that I probably wasn't in the good books either, and here's why. Marcy would say things like "Here's the way I like this done: this sheet on top, stapled to the shipping form and with the purchase order on the bottom" or whatever. She never said things like that to me, just told me to do stuff and left it at that. Which leads me to believe she was never really serious about promoting me.
Well, not really. Here's what probably happened, if I know my boss. She decided to promote me, then had second thoughts about it, but didn't tell me (and still hasn't). So she did a half-assed job of training me and I've been hovering in limbo ever since.
And the problem is that I'm being perfectly logical about all this. I'm not angry at Dustin for being promoted, it's not his fault. I understand probably why things are the way they are. I am not enjoying his training, and I'm angry at Marcy, but not enough to disrupt things, not enough to take it up with her. I remember when Tanya was stuck in limbo. She eventually got up and out of it. I will too. Won't stop me from being pissed off right now though.
Also, on the way home, the strap on my bag broke. The bag that I've had for two days. I feel like Eeyore, only not as cute.
Posted by hKath at 11:26 PM ()