I wrote this a few days ago. Just so you know, I feel much better now:
Dear God. This is not good. I do believe I have found the manic to my depression at last. A classic bipolar case, I found myself in Scarborough today struggling to keep my feet on the ground. I think my shame at today's events might stay with me as baggage through the rest of my days. For years I have been expecting and dreading this moment. But now that it's here I feel no relief. The emotions coursing through my bloodstream (for that is exactly what it feels like - injected intoxication) aren't allowed to rampage freely. My worry of illness dominates them. Really I should stop and enjoy this. A clinical high is called by its name for a reason, but instead of flying confidently off I find myself panicking and fighting for terre ferme. The buzzing in my brain is unpleasant and reminds me of marijuana. I feel at home in depression. For years anxiety and despair have been companions of mine. But this... this is new and perhaps for that reason I despise it. Or maybe I'm just really tired.
No, really, I'm better now. Really. You know when you get really bored, and then you get really restless, and then you do something about that restlessness but it just stays with you, and makes you think that it's something else entirely? No? Maybe I am just bipolar. Whatever. Go me, I love myself, yadda yadda yay bipolar, let's start a yahoogroup.
I think that's mostly what all my troubles boil down to. Boredom. Then again, would I rather never have a moment to stop and think? No... of course, it would be awfully easy to not be bored all the time. Think of all the stuff I have to do! I guess I choose to be bored.
"Yo, woman, it's obvious you like mah flavah."
I'm trying, you know. I'm trying very hard to be insightful yet witty. Tonight it's just not happening the way it usually does, ie effortlessly. Sore-y.
I recently saw something very scary on The Internet. It was so scary, in fact, that I will not post a link to it here because I do not want to give you all heart attacks! It was this little boy walking with this soft music playing. It was in Japanese (I think) so I didn't understand what was written, but it was drawn in a very pale, very elongated-shapes kind of way.
The walking goes on for quite a while when suddenly...
THERE'S THIS HORRIBLE LOUD SCREAM AND ALL YOU CAN SEE IS THIS REALLY SCARY WHITE ELONGATED FACE RIGHT IN YOUR MONITOR!!!
Was it scary, Katherine? Why, yes, it was. It was so scary in fact that I was wishing my computer came with a defibralator attachment. Then I read the comments from other people regarding this website and dear God, we all almost died of fright.
Y'all know me. I'm the kind of girl who wants to play a zombie so she can eat false human flesh! So this website must have been really scary. Really scary. Yeah.
It's one-thirty in the morning and I'm a)not tired b)not done and c)not even started yet.
Good going, me.
Posted by hKath at 1:32 AM ()
Thursday, February 7
Oooh! New google hit, somewhat raunchy: "fee big sex movie"! /me does the google dance!
Posted by hKath at 1:38 PM ()
Watching Kate and Leopold (gag/smile) yesterday was like watching They Live with Rowdy Roddy Piper - that movie where Roddy Piper is homeless and finds these sunglasses that let him see that a bunch of the world's population aren't really people, they're scary robot/aliens that are controlling everyone else.
It was watching two real people (in tragically minor roles) surrounded by a bunch of play-doh mechanical monsters (aka Hugh Jackman and Meg Ryan).
And by the way, I highly recommend They Live, especially for the extended pro-wrestling style fight scene in the alley between two allies who really have no reason for fighting at all other than it looks cool.
"Put on the glasses!"
"No!" *kicks Roddy off him and onto hood of car*
"Put them on!" *Roddy bounces off car and falls onto his buddy from a spectacular height*
and so on...
Posted by hKath at 1:35 PM ()
Wednesday, February 6
Rock. I've decided I need help. So has Fiona, actually, but she won't help me. The help I need is that I need to go see this really bad movie because *someone* is in it.
I'm totally the cartoon wolf right now.
No Man's Land was good, but not as funny as I thought it would be. There was much more shooting than I expected. Which really, I was stupid not to expect. But anyway. All the critics who told me it was lighthearted were lying through their teeth. What I liked most was the UN guys. And the way the soldiers refer to them as Smurfs. Or Schtroumphs, as it were.
There are seriously too many letters in that word Schtroumph. But I can't figure it out. You'd think I've seen it written down enough. Of course, that was mostly before I could spell.
Posted by hKath at 12:09 AM ()
Tuesday, February 5
Can I just say? Teeny tiny undies are way too much fun to wear under big baggy jeans. Waaay too much. I may never get undressed again.
So I just started reading Peter and Wendy. I'm on page 77 or so. And I never knew that Barrie was so witty! I mean, you come to expect a certain standard wittiness in children's writers from the era starting around 1880 and ending at the 1950s (and then everything got honey-coated. Eek! Well, actually, no, not eek. Some of my favourites were written in the fifties).
But, like, Barrie is twelve feet above where everyone else is. He towers over his peers. Honestly. He is like the Shaq of children's literature.
Posted by hKath at 12:33 PM ()
Monday, February 4
Oh, yeah? Think your hits are da shit? I just got a google hit for "Hitler's voice". So there.
Mmm. Shopping went well. I got a scarf. It's very... pink and red and grey. Very Valentine's Day. And very long. Long is good. I also accomplished the quests for book, bra, towel and Brita filters... and made a pit stop in the really teeny underthings department.
You know you're getting old when your Club Z points start to add up to something bigger than a wicker fish basket (which used to be the biggest thing I could get with my points). I am currently in the possession of enough points to buy an ornamental ceramic-topped table, or a nice wooden phone table, or a shelving unit to put above the toilet. This puts me squarely into the "early thirties" category of Club Z customers.
Yeah, I'm ahead.
Because I used to work there.
Posted by hKath at 7:31 PM ()
I am getting some fruckin scary google hits.
You like how I say google hits even if they come from altavista? They're google hits. Dammit.
"First anthrax case"
Is this website government property now? Also, don't these people know how to do searches? You have to be pretty patient and idiotic to search "on my way to" and sort through the hundred (thousands?) of entries until you come to my website.
Posted by hKath at 11:37 AM ()
So was everyone out of town this weekend? Or did I say something inflammatory? Now I remember why I thought a counter was a bad idea. Read me read me read me!
There's something wrong with Morpheus. Like, it doesn't run. Is this a me thing or could it be something that they've set up, like shutting down Napster?
Mmmm, mouthful of kitty hair.
You know what would be a good idea? Setting up my scanner. It would be a good idea. My dad got a scanner yesterday and I happened to call while he was trying to set up the printer with the scanner with the computer. The setup instructions kept telling him to click on an option that didn't exist. Don't you love that?
Yes, sirs and madams. Another victim of FutureShop.
Speaking of which, I think today is Shopping Day. I need a towel. And a bra.
I just have to be careful not to buy things in lieu of doing laundry. Because honestly, at the moment, with a full day's worth of laundry lying on my floor, it's really tempting to use my Zellers card and just buy a whole new wardrobe. Reeeeeaaaaaallly tempting.
Posted by hKath at 11:14 AM ()
When Harry Met Sally. Dude. This movie would be good if it wasn't for the stupid music.
Posted by hKath at 2:49 AM ()
Sunday, February 3
I think... I really need a man.
Yes, I know. Strange coming from the girl most people take one look at and call "sir".
I think the problem is I haven't related to a male on a regular basis in almost a year. Living with Dave, as fucked up as it was, kept me sane on a certain level. Not that I want to go back to living with Dave or anything.
I just... need someone of the male persuasion to be around me regularly. And Dustin doesn't count, cause he's just a big ole girl, even though he and his friend Dave have been giving me rides to the station after work. Big. Girls.
So they and Carm and Carm's boyfriend Neil made The Bet. And if you don't know which bet I'm talking about, just think about it a little. I know I can just say "The Bet" because Fiona knew without my having to explain at all, just from my tone. So just insert a tone here: "The Bet".
Dustin lost, but they tricked him. Can I just say?
Also, you would NEVER catch me making a bet like that.
Not with those guys, anyway. Those people's lives (except for Dustin's ;) are fuller than mine by about 300%. They have things to keep their mind on other than Mr. Right-Hand. I wouldn't, not if I made a bet about it. I'd be thinking about it ALL THE TIME. When I wasn't busy screaching at people because I'm so sexually frustrated.
Sigh. Hey, newguy. How about making a movie that's not a teen comedy?
Wanna know something funny? I almost typed vomity. Instead of comedy. Ha. Funny.
Posted by hKath at 10:07 PM ()