I had some very special message to post here. I really did. I was so ready. I even debated whether it should go onto livejournal or onto here, and I ended up here. It was a *decision*. So... what was it? I'm not sure. Actually, I can't remember at all. I think I'm drunk. I've been saying that to whoever asked for about an hour now. So I'm probably not drunk anymore. But I'll still use it as the excuse. I can't believe I came all the way here and can't remember what I wanted to write about. At dinner we talked about divorce.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E, C'est ce qui nous sépare

Not helping. I can't freaking remember. I wrote this poem about my Easter experience as a heathen in a world of fervant Christianity. I ate too much chocolate. It hurts.

Oh. And I have just hit on my topic. I hate it. Hate it. HATE IT. When people tell me I have lost weight since the last time they saw me. First of all, they tell me this every time they see me. If it was true, I would be a damn tentpole by now. Secondly, they say it as though it is a good thing, they say it as though it was something I was intentionally trying to do. I know that we live in a world where women are expected to fit into a certain predesigned format, but I'm especially preoccupied lately with eating well. I don't care how much I weigh, as long as I can stand up without fear of falling down, and wake up with enough energy to get me through the day. This requires protein. This requires vegetables and fruits. The size of my belly is completely irrelevant to my health.

*shrug*

I worry a lot about my nutrition. By comparison, I worry very rarely about my belly, or my ass, or my thighs, or my arms, or anywhere else where fat might be a factor. Why? Maybe I don't want to have to impress anyone. I don't know. But saying "Wow, you look great. You have lost weight," is not only proof that you have bought into that whole culture, but it's also a way to shove me into that culture, where I don't necessarily feel at home. Why don't you say that I look healthy, if that's what you mean? That would be a wonderful compliment. I try very hard to stay healthy, especially now when it doesn't come that easily.

Thank you.
Posted by hKath at 7:13 PM ()

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