Hey boys - I've just found the perfect website!
Posted by hKath at 7:22 PM ()

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Friday, April 19

Today I wanted to laugh at Matt Leblanc. Reason: unknown. Possibly related to old ketchup commercial I recently explained to Fiona wherein Matt balances a Heinz bottle on a rooftop, goes downstairs, buys a hot dog from a street vendor, and catches the ketchup on it perfectly BEHIND HIS BACK! It's so tacky, so eighties.

It has got to be my favourite commercial of all time :)

So I wanted to watch a crappy Matt Leblanc movie. He's only made two, and they were both crappy, so it shouldn't have been too hard. But, lo and behold, when I took my break I found out we got rid of both the dreadful Lost In Space and the laughable Ed.

At a loss for anything to do after my disappointment, I cleaned the kids section. During my break. And? I enjoyed it. If I could, I would sleep in the kids section. Sometimes, I swear, I feel like I am the only one who understands those little movies. No one else takes the time. Some people join Big Brother programs to feel fulfilled. I put Olsen twins movies in proper order and remove Hellraiser coverboxes.
Posted by hKath at 11:50 PM ()

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My parents got back from their second honeymoon a few nights ago. They never actually told me when they were coming back, so I had started worrying, as I usually do when they disappear.

Oh, you didn't know this? Yes, they have a history of disappearing on me. Of course, I haven't lived with them in three years so it's a lot simpler and less eerie when they do it now. The first time, though, I must have been about sixteen or seventeen. They decided they were going to drive out to the country, out near Morristown and Upper Canada Village for the day, and maybe stay overnight in a hotel if they found one they liked. OK, bye guys, have fun.

Three days later they still weren't back. In fact, I hadn't heard from them at all.

Funny, funny people my parents. I remember calling around to all my relatives and informing them that my parents were missing. It all felt so hilariously absurd. I wondered if I should call the police and report them. And I couldn't stop laughing.

So, of course, when they got back this time I was pretty excited to hear what they'd seen, where they'd been, et cetera, et cetera.

Except... not for three hours with two different versions of every event, please. And please do not recycle the exact same stuff you told me over the phone the third night you were in Key West. And would it kill you to ask how I am? I'm not one to force the subject of me into a conversation unless I'm really desperate.

I feel so... secondary.
Posted by hKath at 11:34 AM ()

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Thursday, April 18

Gah! Today has got to be hotter than both yesterday and the day before combined. It's one of those days when the black tank top you have on *under* your actual clothes feels like it's going to burn away your torso. Why, oh, why, did I wear black? And why, oh, why, do I have this much hair? Every time I cut it off it comes back and brings its buddies. Sometimes it feels like it's multiplying exponentially every time I shave my head. I look like a big curly, frizzy mop was glued to my head and then teased. AAAARGGH!

But.

A cute freckled boy at the bus stop bummed a cigarette to light so that the bus would come before he could smoke it. I thought I was the only one that did that. Of course, though, it didn't work, but I was inspired to draw an impromptu portrait of him for some reason. I think he noticed. Oh, well.

He works at The Docks, an establishment whose crappy commercials regularly ruined my enjoyment of the Bonsai caffeine drinking game once upon a time.

Ah, Bonsai. Back when life was simple. Back when you could watch a midget race another midget to plant a flag in a chunk of florist's foam on top of a really tall guy's head. Those were the days.
Posted by hKath at 5:30 PM ()

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I knew it. I knew it. It starts when you get a hit counter, thinking "Gee, I'd like to see what kinds of weird google searches I get." Then you start signing other people's guestbooks hoping to up your hit count. Then entries start to mulitply. Suddenly you're logging everything you've ever done. And you spend any and all free time sitting at your computer willing people to comment on your mundane entries about your mundane life. You make the journal prettier so that people will stick around more. It's called spectacle.

And all you really want is to be popular.

All you really want is to be a survivor.

Sigh.

I'm so jealous! I want to be the kind of person that strangers read! I want to be a marn or a bobby! Why can't I be popular? Why oh why? Why can't I be rich and famous? I've got a head start on that one, my parents already bought me Ethan Hawke's book. One step closer to being famous, that's me.

Today I am intending to watch Princess Mononoke, field a phone call from my mom, do dishes, and fina-fucking-ly deposit the Ticketweb money into the Frucon account. If *you* can't believe how much I suck for not doing that yet, imagine how *I* feel, having been aware all along of what a slacker I was.
Posted by hKath at 11:59 AM ()

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That's it, dood. I've flipped. I just redesigned another site. And, it's nice. And, the idea came to me during Gilmore Girls and I almost walked away. From my second-favourite show. I *did* walk away from my third-favourite show to come and do it. What's that, you ask?

No Boundaries.

It's fun, dammit.

But I missed all of it because I was looking for pictures of citrus fruit. I'm not sad, though. It was meant to be. I just wish I had more time, in general. You always need more time.

You know when someone calls you, and they ask if they woke you up, and you say no, even though they did? And then you go back to sleep? Don't you ever wonder if along with saying "Hell, no, I've been up for hours!" you also mumbled a bunch of half-asleep nonsense like "Garbledink - push me down the meat slide!" or something? I worry about stuff like that.
Posted by hKath at 1:55 AM ()

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Wednesday, April 17

Did I mention how fucking cool zombies are? They are. Fucking. Cool. Two of my favourite zombies are the Hare Krishna zombie and the zombie that gets the top of its head chopped off by the helicopter blades, because he's, well, just a stupid zombie. The zombie kids are also cool as hell.

But Roger-zombie wins the zombie prize.

You know he's gonna die. You know he's going to try hard as hell not to become a zombie. And yet, there he is, five minutes later, big sunken-eyed zombie dude with the most elaborate makeup in the whole movie. Moving imperceptibly slowly. He pushes back the blanket that's over his head. He looks over at his best friend. And he starts sitting up oh... so... slowly... so that you can get a nice close look at his very elaborate makeup. He reminds me of Evil Ash from Evil Dead 2 in that way - they make the makeup a grotesque caricature of the person, to a point where it's almost an inside joke.

And Roger-zombie mumbles. And his buddy blows his fucking head off.

God I love zombies.

I love how stupid and slow and bumbling they are. I love how unintelligible their speech is. I love how focused they are on human flesh. Dude, I wish I was that dedicated to my job.

What does Greg the Bunny think about zombies?
Posted by hKath at 7:47 PM ()

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Just watched Ice Age. I have to admit, it rocked my world. I'm probably going to go through it later for quotes.

Right now, though, I have to clean. Our landlady is coming over in less than three hours, or so she says, and I'm annoyed at her at the moment. But still I have to clean for her. Isn't it illegal to demand post-dated cheques for each month of the year? And why does she need them right this second, anyway? Isn't May another 2 weeks away, practically? Gr. I'm disgruntled. I hate all landlords.

Luckily, though, I get to watch Dawn of the Dead while cleaning. I'll probably have some fries too, before I start, because I haven't eaten very much today and fries sound super.

My cat looks a lot like a saber-toothed tiger right now. Except he's small. And black. And doesn't have humongous front teeth. But he looks like one, I swear! I should have called him Diego.

"Hold it right there, Diego! Freeze!"
Posted by hKath at 3:33 PM ()

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OK, here's another useless post brought to you by "Kath wants to see what this'll look like."
Posted by hKath at 1:33 PM ()

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I guess I should let you know. I've just expanded the poetry section with some of my work from the past couple of months. A couple that have been here and a couple that haven't. Yay honesty.
Posted by hKath at 12:38 PM ()

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It's here! The big one! The link I've been waiting for all my life! Google has finally blessed me! She cooked a whole pig!
Posted by hKath at 12:23 PM ()

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Oh, I have to write this before I forget. I was watching an episode of Family Guy earlier (actually, it might have been the first episode) and Peter, who was cheating on Welfare, rented Michelangelo's statue of David and put it at the end of his driveway. And as they were moving it, he managed to knock the statue's dick off. And when me mentioned that he'd knocked the statue's dick off, he picked up the dick and threw it though a nearby window. There was this guy in a pencil moustache on the other side of the window. He picked up the stone dick and said "I think I'll name it Eduardo!"

Um. The entry on the bottom. Yeah. That one.
Posted by hKath at 3:01 AM ()

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Oh, yes. I forgot. To update an archive template you have to cut and paste, republish all your old archives, bend over backwards (literally), lay a golden egg, and solve world hunger.

Gr.
Posted by hKath at 1:37 AM ()

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Wow! This was the fastest redesign EVER! Ohwait, it's not quite over yet. I still have to redesign the archive page, I think. Which involves one bit of cutting and pasting. BFD! This rocks! Too Much Coffee Man lives here!

Oh, btw, Too Much Coffee Man belongs to Shannon Wheeler. Don't tell her I borrowed him ;)

Today was fucked. It was hot (yes, it was. After I thawed it was just toasty outside). We went out to eat and at the restaurant before we even sat down I missed a four-inch step down, twisted my ankle, bruised myself in several places and jean-burned my knee, all in front of about forty or so people. On the patio. Oh, and I also managed, while doing this, to throw my wallet under some chick's table.

Happy summer, Kath!

That's the world talking.

I think it's being sarcastic.

I want more coffee.


Posted by hKath at 1:32 AM ()

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testing...
Posted by hKath at 12:29 AM ()

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Tuesday, April 16

I watched Mulholland Dr. a few nights ago. Man, oh, man. Now I feel like Adam and I are brainlinked. We are both waiting eagerly for people to start renting it and demanding their money back. Muahahahaha. It was terrific. And left me so afraid of something unidentifiable and completely non-threatening. I couldn't get to sleep for an hour and just lay there feeling creeped out and trying to pinpoint a reason.

Has anyone else seen this movie? What did you think?

It was supposed to be really hot today, but instead it's just sort of hot, not really warm enough to be unbearable, although the kids across the street have their Elmo sprinkler at the ready. I went outside and was pleased that it was finally Birkenstock weather, but really, nothing else. The breeze was cool. I wanted sweltering heat and was sorely disappointed.

Now I'm wondering if maybe Kissing Jessica Stein is available somewhere for download. I would love to watch it again.

Yawn. Damn I'm boring sometimes.
Posted by hKath at 2:55 PM ()

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